not my home

Bismillaah,

And finally, I turned it off.

For me, a home, is a place where i feel comfortable. It is not always in physical form like the real house building. It can be anything as far as i feel i belong to it. Friendship, Love, Society are also things i am used to calling as "home". When i feel my home is no longer a place where i feel comfortable, i will tend to pull my self away. And many people do the same too, right? Or maybe only me, since i am a "run away" girl. lol.

That was also the reason i deactivated my social media account. I dont feel comfortable anymore there. It has hurt my eyes. Not literally hurting my eyes, but it has made me sick..here..in the heart. I feel so bad since i  got this sickness. I dont wanna be like this. I dont wanna make them to be the reason of this pain. I am only a human with a weak heart, what can i do? i feel the jealousy, what can i do?

I am 25 with nothing to be proud of, isnt it something that can be an excuse that i feel so much pain when watching those achievements? I am happy for them...really i am happy sincerely...but deep in this heart, there lies a wound without a scratch. A wound which i made cause i could not do what i should do as a normal human. A human who lives in society, in this world. I am sad. And nobody would (i dont need them to do too) care about it. Astaghfirullaah.

It was just so much crowd out there and i really hate to be around. 

I am tired to ensure my self everything is just going to be fine. There would be my turn. And i am growing to be more pessimistic person rather than the optimistic one. My life. It feels like stops here.....

What i need most is a help.

Help me.

mrs J

Bismillaahi,

Is it a jealousy? But A jealousy for a good thing is normal and even a must...right?
Then call me a jealous girl and let me ask forgiveness from my Allah ta'ala for feeling this.
I pity my self, my weaknesses.

My Wedding Invitation wannabe

Bismillaahi,

What do you think of it? I was just thinking about making my own edited wedding invitation. Which i dont know when will be happened. lol. I wish to have the simple one yet not like the common one. More exclusive or maybe not using the common color like what we are used to finding. But yeah..i am a beginner, so..its not surely like what i wanna have.

This is the front part. I am thinking about eliminating the flowers next to the addressee.

Here is the inside part. I dont know what to write..lol..but the background should be like this. Maybe too simple or confusing?? hmm...i dont know too. -P

And the last is the back part. I tried to make it still in the same pattern with the previous parts.

Maybe i just have to go to a wedding organizer and ask them to do it..hhaa...it looks like i mess them up -P. The more i look at them..the more it feels like a birthday party invitation rather than wedding party invitation. Or like a card sent to say "Get Well Soon"..hhaaa -D

But if i can say about what i really want about my future wedding invitation is that it must stay on simple form. Not so big and not too small too.. just the regular size which looks at the functional side more than the luxury factor. You know...wedding invitation will only end up in the trash..hhaa..so i just dont wanna waste money on it. Since the wedding is not only about me and maybe my friends..but also for my parents friends..so it has to keep its formality too. Something which is not so "cheap" since i wanna keep it in simple form, but something "Simple yet priceless"

Does it look a lil bit creepy that i make something that hasnt yet happened?? or maybe idk when will be happened?? T,T But really the idea was just came up in second and i directly worked on the card. I was really only editing it since the colors and the ornaments were taken from google..lol..

Btw,,that pink thing..that was my fashdisk..i was trying to cover up the dates and the groom family..hhaa..i put it in random, just dont wanna make ppl think much about it.

Ok then...see ya. -))