A Sky of My Own

Bismillaahi,

by : Molly. Bernheim

Ehh. . just suddenly wanna own this book. Yes, can be easily guessed, cause the cover title has caught my eyes. :D . Long story short , this book tells about a pilot and his wife. Here's one of comment i took from amazone.

Simple honest words from a lady who started scared of her husband's flying, and ended up as an instructor. From the 1950's, when married biochemistry teachers didn't hang out at the local airport and fly little planes, comes a book of what it feels like to fly. Wonderfully written, you are in the cockpit for spins, solo, exams and long flights. The private terror, the open joy. Absorbing reading. Makes me miss a quiet airport with an old instructor. Makes me miss flying. (Dave English)

Sounds interesting. :D

My Only Hope

Bismillaahi,

I am in my top of worry about what the result i will get in the next  5 days. I keep counting the days along with my anxious thought. I always pray all the best for the 3 of us. But it also makes me make many and over and over SWOT analysis which i cant control as it becomes my biggest issue. It happens like that in my mind. "I have many shortcoming conditions, yet i have a confidence to say that there might be still some things that i could use to console and calm my own self ."  I feel like so lack of confidence :( .

Even mom said "I dont get that image that you would get it. Just dont be that down if you really dont get it. It would be another failure and i think you have got used to fail. . too many already." 

What she said was just like a smile thief. I feel so sad after listening to what she told me. At this kind of time, i need a support that will make me build a positive thinking. I know she was only trying to calm down and prepare her own self also that failure possibility is always there when we step out to reach a chance and we must receive it. She is like wanna say "Everythings gonna be okay and we will always get the best plan from Allaah ta'ala."

And far from all of this. B comes as a spirit booster. I almost never share many thoughts in my mind but he is like always understand the situation and simply say everything's gonna be ok, that Allaah will give me the best. That i just have to give all the best from me, keep praying, and the rest will be ok . . .

Yes. . .

And Allaah ta'ala is my only hope. . 

There's a song that's inside of my soul

It's the one that I've tried to write over and over again

I'm awake in the infinite cold

But You sing to me over and over and over again

So I lay my head back down

And I lift my hands

and pray to be only Yours

I pray to be only Yours

I know now you're my only hope

Sing to me the song of the stars

Of Your galaxy dancing and laughing

and laughing again

When it feels like my dreams are so far

Sing to me of the plans that You have for me over again

So I lay my head back down

And I lift my hands and pray

To be only yours

I pray to be only yours

I know now you're my only hope

I give You my destiny

I'm giving You all of me

I want Your symphony

Singing in all that I am

At the top of my lungs I'm giving it back

So I lay my head back down

And I lift my hands and pray

To be only yours

I pray to be only yours

I pray to be only yours

I know now you're my only hope

Some Random Pics from June to July

Bismillaahi,

Soyu Ramen and Chicken katsu From Gokana Ramen (Atrium Senen Mall)

Hot Choco From Dunkin Donuts (Gambir Train Station)

Soyu  Beef Udon and Spicy Beef Udon (Solo Grand Mall)

Merapi Mount From My Train Window (On my way back to Solo) BEAUTIFUL !

Banana Split and Choco Ice Cream (Ragusa Italian Ice Cream - Jakarta)

haha. . .this Ice Shop even as old as my Grandpa :P

Rainbow. . hmm. . .its a steamed Cake :P

Wall Stickers in My messy room

Little Paris is on my wall :D

Wrong Planet

Bismillaah,

Am i in a wrong planet ?

When Life Hits You

Bismillaahi,

You dont know when or how life will come and  hit you right in front of your face. When you find it out, life makes you learn something big, something eye opening, something breathtaking, and even something heart breaking. We will realize then, everything really happens for a reason and sometimes, it is really for a big reason.

You may weep, you may look happy still and maybe smile or laugh, but they can't solve all your problems.They will just help you easing your pain, the heartache that you must bear all alone and the future that makes you worry. Stuck in a moment which makes you think your life is nothing.

Being lonely, alone, is scary in some ways, but dont you remember at the hereafter we will be all alone also. So, no matter here or hereafter, being alone is already part of human's life.

People come and go, like the sand in a grasp. You try to hold it tight, it creeps through your fingers. You try to just put it on your palm, the wind blows it away. Anything you do to keep it forever is something impossible. Sometimes they stay for quite long time, and sometimes they go away and never come back again. All you can do is only walk out the door and find more people to fullfil your life book. Is it cruel and part of not loyal deed ? If we keep staying, we will be buried by our own sadness.

Pain is like a rock that you keep in your pocket. You walk out the door, find many new things, find many people, find many good things. . .until life out there makes you forget it for a while, and sometimes for a long  long while. But when you put your hand in your pocket, you will find that the rock is still there. You can forget it for a while, but you can't throw it away. . it will always be there.

Getting Far from The Right

Bismillaahi,

Have you ever feel this. . .Youve made many mistakes, broken many rules. . .but still, You dont cry. Your fault cant make you cry. You dont regret it. You want to, but you dont feel it in your heart. Now, it is not your fault which makes it wrong, but your feeling. You should cry and regret all the mistakes you have done.

Is it what usually said as a stone heart ? It is not right :( . You know it is wrong, but still you dont feel the wrong thing.

Are you getting far from the right thing ? so that your heart is not as sensitive as before. 

I am so scared. I have seen so many people fell down for something not worth. Am i part of them now ? :(

I cant take care it well. Ive lost my way. No. . .i dont lose it . I know where to go. But i really dont know what has happened :( . I am even not a turtle anymore.

Up down You know it best. . Allaah. Show me your way again. . . . Soften my heart. . . .amin, inshaaAllaah

be brave

Bismillaahi,

Butterflies are everywhere in my belly now. I feel so nervous. I am used to get failure. . .so many failures. And now when the chance is a step closer, i feel so nervous. Will i get a failure again when it is this close ? Will i see disappointment on their faces again ? Can i reach a happy end pride ? I really wanna cry and shout out loud cause i am so scared imagining i might make a mistake. 

Being optimistic but not take things that easy in a same time is hard. I can fly so high out of control. And i am scared that i would be too high. Dont you remember. . if we are brave enough to build hope, then we must be strong also to know that there always be a failure possibility. 

They have done too many things to make me be in that place, to pick up my chances. And i am not that brave to see if i make mistake. It is my last chance. And ready or not. . i must be ready to go . . again.

Smangaaaaaaadddd !!!! p(^o^)q !!!

I dont Wanna Sing That Song

Bismillaahi,

This is the song that i mean. 

THE CLIMB 

by Miley Cyrus

I can almost see it

That dream I am dreaming

But there's a voice inside my head saying

"You'll never reach it"

Every step I'm taking

Every move I make feels

Lost with no direction

My faith is shaking

But I gotta keep trying

Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain

I'm always gonna wanna make it move

Always gonna be a uphill battle

Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there

Ain't about what's waiting on the other side

It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing

The chances I'm taking

Sometimes might knock me down

But no, I'm not breaking

I may not know it

But these are the moments that

I'm gonna remember most, yeah

Just gotta keep going

And I, I got to be strong

Just keep pushing on

'Cause there's always gonna be another mountain

I'm always gonna wanna make it move

Always gonna be a uphill battle

Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there

Ain't about what's waiting on the other side

It's the climb, yeah!

There's always gonna be another mountain

I'm always gonna wanna make it move

Always gonna be an uphill battle

Somebody's gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there

Ain't about what's waiting on the other side

It's the climb, yeah!

Keep on moving, keep climbing

Keep the faith, baby

It's all about, it's all about the climb

Keep the faith, keep your faith, whoa

And alhamdulillaah, Allaah ta'ala granted me with a great answer. But now the hope is getting bigger. Wish all the best. amin inshaaAllaah. . .

.

Bismillaahi,

Again, tonight i let her go. A short gaze and a word of goodbye were enough to say many cares behind. Sometimes i hope time can stop for a while. But it cant. . . Take care there little star. . . .pick your dreams up. xoxo

Come my BackPack !!

Bismillaahi,

Lately ive been spending my time to find a good backpack. Yeaaa. . .i wanna buy a new backpack. And korean or Japanese style has caught my eyes :D. As a javanese used to choose. . .good quality with cheap price :D.

eww. . .i cant attach the backpacks i want here right now. . .haha. . .maybe later inshaaAllaah :P

being an introvert

Bismillaahi,

Do you believe that everything's happened for a reason? And nothing in this world is happened under a luck? Life is not a movie nor a fairy tale. The two theories are only part of human's worriness about this real world. Just like how i wish my life were a movie, my life were a fairy tale. 

That is why, this life comes in balancy. You do good. . you get good. You give bad. . .you get bad in return, just maybe you dont realize how life hits you for everything you do or give for it.

When you dont get or cant achieve what you really want, dont blame others or even Allaah or even think that  the events happened in your life are only things that must be done like that. I mean, you think it as a bad luck and you cant do anything. No. . .it is just because of your self. You need to make a deep thinking. Observing  that maybe there is something inside your self which makes things not happened as you wish. Again, life keeps the balance by giving the return of everything we have done. 

Failure. Failure. Failure. This word is like has no tired feeling to haunt us every time we wanna reach our dreams. . (in my case actually). We think that we have done all efforts and still, success is lost its way to find us. Then it is us who becomes so tired. Sometimes it feels like better to surrender and wait for the future bring us. But. . .is it life for sure? No meaning at all. It reminds me of a sentence "Life is not only about waiting death in a line" ya. . .it is right. We cant just  stand still, keep silent and wait for our turn to face death.


Dont you remember about this, if this world is only temporary, we come here to drink, after that back to our final destination? So, it is so wrong if we just blame others or destiny and receive all the things written to us. It really is never be right.


That is why, as a person, we cant stop repairing our self. Because, everything we want to get is started from our self. Right ?


I know i am so far from good also. I know i am. I guess nobody wants to be a bad man, yet, being a good man is also not that kind of easy. But still. . .its not an obligatory if we are far from good, we may choose to be the bad one. lol. I remember this one "If you dont know how to fix your self. Stop breaking it. " I told to my self, i know i am not good, i am so lazy, but then. . .it wont stop me. I try as much as possible to not break any rule even if in fact i break too many :( . At least i know it is wrong and feel bad after i did it. But still i am sooooo far. :( . Just pray for me and each other, ok :)


In many case, sometimes we just have to loose. It is just have to. . . .
Allah ta'ala always knows the best for us, and He has the best reason why we dont get what we want. . .cause He knows best, what we need most. :)

My Rushing Week

Bismillaahi,

It was a rushing week and actually it was my mind which had the rushiest part lol. At first, i planned to accompany my sist because she wanted to move to another city. She got a job there alhamdulillaah (which i told in my previous post). I helped her running around there and there up down south to east west to north and wherever. . .haha. .  to complete all her needs before moving. But then i got another news. I had to go to another city also cause i got a job test. It made me have to cancel my first plan and went to that city.

Mom said i should make the train reservation right after i got the news, which was at night already. It was because the holidays season and She worried i wouldnt get the round way tickets. And she was right, i got the very last ticket. . haha. 

I went all alone. heu. . .i broke the rule again :( .

And just in some hours ago, i got the news i should go to that city again. And as ive predicted. . .i didnt get any ticket :( . So, i will go there by bus. Hewww. . .ok, wish it would be a good trip and i got that job, inshaaAllaah. Still. ..long way to go :(. . T.T. .