dirty hands

Bismillaahi,

Truthfully, it is so. . too scarry imagining how mean people are. And i am part of it. Every move that we make. . .have you ever worried that it might hurt others ? Them who are weaker than us. Them whose hearts beat faster when worrying, being frightened of what we could do to them. . .what moves that will hurt them. 

I am so scared

Sometimes everythings just happened like it is. Being a major, its like naturally be inside our blood. . .makes us want to win over something, to control over something. . to be the real beast. Our hands are dirty, as our hearts are too weak, to just be a good human. Bringing nothing but just happiness, cant we ?

Watching how those narrowed eyes stared our face. Saying words that we would never understand. We only know. . .we know their needs, so that we can easily control them. And them. . .cant do anything but freezing unfaithfully.

This is why we always say we are not perfect. And it is so true. . 

I just dont wanna hurt others anymore. Deep in my heart i really dont want. Just this emotions, sometimes win over me. .and us, the human. . .the best race.

Forgive me. . . . .to those whose last breaths, last light. . .slowly disappeared in front of my eyes. before my face. . . :(

are you ok ?

Bismillaahi,

B. . .are you ok there ? why i feel something is changing with you. Dont be tired B. . .dont give me up. . . . Dont :(

Keep Trying

Bismillaahi,

I keep saying to my self. . .

it is ok. . .it is fine. . .youve just opened hundreds not thousands. Dont let your heart be upset, cause Allaah's promisses are true. Keep trying. No matter how hard, there would be one in a million who is  not only pick up or discard. If you were to stop now, look at your parents faces ! Dont bring them down once more and more. You will find sooner or later. . inshaaAllaah. . .keep your head up. SMANGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTT !

I really dont feel fine. But getting many rejections is like hurting my own pride. Like i am really not that good for anyone. like i better burrying my self, hiding on the corner of darkness. Or just jumping off the cliff. But i believe in Allaah. He knows everything best for me than my self. And i just have to keep everything stay in the TRACK ~~~the hardest part somehow.


Dont worry mom, there would be my turn someday. . inshaaAllaah. Keep praying for your daughter :(

Summer is on the Line !!

Bismillaahi,

Winter is almost ( am i right ?? O.o ) END. . .it is spring now !! and Summer is going to Be in around two weeks ahead, and i guess people start to paint smile on their lips ! :)) . Who doesnt love summer ??  :)))

Many people say that it is TIRING to be cold in months.



My friend M said  "Winter is fun somehow, if the snow is around, you can play with it. But if a giant and large Snow Mountain is right in front of your house also on your roof, you will find it is not that kind of fun. It is tiring cause you have to clean it. . .ALL THE TIME ! "

And even B told me "In Winter, when it becomes worse, life is like ends. Everything is stopped. You can't do anything except of trembling for coldness. And some areas are isolated. Also. . wild bears are around ! " ( Bears ??? >,< )

BUT still. . .For a person who live in a tropical country for her whole life, who never touch any snow (except one in refrigerator lol) having snow is going to be like a child with ice cream.

HAPPY.

~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ O.o ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

lol !!!

 And for me, our 5 hours will be 4 hours again ! Yayyyy !

MacaRoonS arE in the blog !! yeaaah !!

Bismillaahi,

Do you know what macaroon is ? 

Somedays ago i tried hard to remember its name and trying to find it in google . I tried many possible names

- Cream cake (??? lol)
- Australian Cookies (i ever read about macaroon in a blog of an australian expatriat, and i forgot O.o. . so i thought it was originally from australia lol)
- Cookies cream
- Sandwich cookies (it redirected me to maaaany OR*O pictures :D)
- etc. .

I was chatting with my sister about colorful cookies with cream between it and she told me she knew about that, so i got curious cause we both didn't remember its name. But finally i found its name. . yeaaa. . .

~~~~~~~MACAROONS~~~~~~~~

Here are some colorful pictures of macaroons that i randomly took from google. Look yummmyyyyyyyyy !!!

          

  

      

I wanna eat it !!! >,<

ooooohhh. . .droooool >,<

 

Perfect Macaroon. . .mumumumu <3

But it is a bad news for me, here it is SOO expensive  T_T. . .but for answering your curiousity, i guess it would be worth :D. . .aaaaaaaaRRRRgghhhh !!!


Maybe u wanna send me some ?? :D

Starry Starry Night

Bismillaahi,



I think i get a bit influenced by the STARRY STARRY NIGHT of Van Gogh. I just like this dull painting of night sky with many stars above. Seems to be everyone's private sky.

And btw, i use it for my Header Pic. I've edited the color, and it doesnt mean i wanna screw it up, just trying to fit it with my blog theme.

Actually i dont really know who van gogh is. Just sometimes heard or read his name mentioned by people or books. And one day B ever told me that  Van Gogh  was a painter who didnt have one of his ear, it was cut maybe. And his paintings became very popular after his DEATH. . .ewwwww. . .sounds not that nice O.o. . 

Here is that Starry Night Painting that i took from Wikipedia

  Beautiful Night :)))

haaaah :o !!

Bismillaahi,

Why do i              feel this

blog is such a                  CONFUSING

thing

 O_o

O_o        

                                                                                                          O_o 

O_o                                                                 

O_o      

                      O_o 

O_o

   

  O_o        

                                               O_o 

O_o                                                                 

O_o      

                     

 O_o                                                                                                                                O_o

O_o        

                                               O_o 

O_o                                                                 

O_o      

                                                                 O_o 

Newwwww

Bismillaahi,


Finallyyyyy. . .

~~~~~~ Jump JuMp JumP ~~~~~~

NEW BLOG LOOK !!!

desperado

Bismillaahi,

Some weeks ago, I cried hard. It was not because of someone else, but it was because of my self. I got a rejection somewhere, and the reason was due to my physical look. This event had successfully made my head turned back to those times. When I firstly realized, how I was different, how this look. . . .was nothing. Remembering what I had done to make people around me accept me as I was. My decision which wasn’t me for real. I let my self to be a joke. I let things I had to cover my minuses. But still, my sickness to get an acknowledgement was a great weapon to beat me down. When I did good things to them, they really did used it for their own benefit. And at end, I would still be the dumbest person.

One day in senior high, I asked someone to read my hand’s lines. We believed him could read our self and future. He just frankly said. . .”love your self, don’t too underestimate your own self”. Crap . . .He did knew my feeling !

Then I just thought back, how I could love my own self if it was only me who thought so and nobody elses did not. That’s why I became so negative thinking to my own self, I couldn’t trust my own ability.