The Answer - Sarah McLachlan

Bismillaahi,

I will be the answer

At the end of the line

I will be there for you

While you take the time

In the burning of uncertainty

I will be your solid ground

I will hold the balance

If you can't look down

If it takes my whole life

I won't break, I won't bend

It will all be worth it

Worth it in the end

Cause I can only tell you what I know

That I need you in my life

When the stars have all gone out

You'll still be burning so bright

Cast me gently

Into morning

For the night has been unkind

Take me to a

Place so holy

That I can wash this from my mind

The memory of choosing not to fight

If it takes my whole life

I won't break, I won't bend

It will all be worth it

Worth it in the end

'Cause I can only tell you what I know

That I need you in my life

When the stars have all burned out

You'll still be burning so bright

Cast me gently

Into morning

For the night has been unkind

Being A Stranger

Bismillaahi,

Everything looks plainer than I think before. I was just a lil pushy for all the things I have and haven’t. Being thankful, a word that I am used to say, but it was only words until we really do it. well yeah, I am an introvert. And I observe my surroundings all the time, which at last, lead them to my own self. I believe it, that we are part of the things happened in our way. So, I don’t blame others, I blame my own self.

Did you have a bad experience? I guess yes, because everyone did. At past, I got rejection from my surroundings. I listen to them . . . to their rejection and found out the answer. The answer led me to a conclusion about people. They wished to see what they wanted to see. What the community wanted to see. And I answered their wish on me. Yeah, I threw away “the rejected me” inside and be like what they wanted me to be. After years . . . it made me lost the old me. And those people keep using me, keep intimidating me.

Do we always have to be like this? 

But you know, I cant blame them. It’s like they have the right to receive or reject anything. And if I wanna be acknowledged by them, it means that I have to fulfill the criteria. And maybe it was my own matter that I wasn’t in their list. It would be too egoist if I asked people to receive me the way I did, right? 

Sorry for my random posting

Watching “The brave One” . . .it reminds me of my life. I wanna survive, so I kill the “me” inside my self, and become a stranger. 

blue sunday

Bismillaahi,

If i say i am not sad, then it becomes a big lie. But i am trying to cheer up my self. I wanna be positive. But when watching him, my dad, i feel sad, even more than the lost of our birds itself. He is so disappointed, but still trying to be calm.Yes, because we are unfaithful. I dont know what were those burglars thinking before breaking down my house. But i wish Allaah show them the right way. . aamiin

Do you still remember that i said "life gives back everything you give to it." And when we lost our birds, i see my own self. Allah will never do things to us if we didnt do something first. And now i am thinking, what was my fault ? I always pray to Allaah, that every lil bad thing i do, its enough to give that back to me, not to my family. But Allaah gave it to my family too. . .and its nothing but a message behind these all. And i dont know what. Maybe i am just too bad, so my family have to get the effect also.

I really dont know what to do now. Nobody wants to be a bad person, but bad things i do were like happened out of my control. What i want is not like what i do. What i wish to be good mostly ends tobe bad, even worse. And i feel like cant control those bad things. It feels like the hell sprays its lil dots to me, and it feels too hurt.

Rabb, allow me make them happy, in a good way. . . 

shall i?

Bismillaahi,

I really dont know what i must do now. I hesitated so much when thinking about what you were doing. That i couldnt believe you to always do your responsibility. Every time you broke it, it felt like you drew your self away from me step by step. And getting further by day. But in a time i told my self that i would not give you up. I gave you a chance. I was so happy that i saw you changing. It felt like i could rely on your shoulder. But now. . . .

You ignore it. I feel like you were to bring me so high and then tear my wings, and i fell to the deepest sea.

You really really have brought me down.
I always remember about what my friend said. . . .And it was true.

Do i have to give you up now ? Do i have to give us up?

It was so fairy taley, so lala landley. . . . . . . . . .

please,