Muhtacim (I need You)

Bismillaahi,

I hadn't talked to him for 3 days. The reason is same, didnt wanna disturb, cause we both had many tasks :D. But it was funny when yesterday we were talking, suddenly the connection made us mad :p. . then he said "How lucky we are" :D . . .

When we didnt talk for 3 days, He updated his stat, "Gitme Sana Muhtacim". . .a song lyric, then here it goes. I didnt sing it, just found the meaning only and its part of a turkish song. Hmmm. . .i didnt leave :D . . .

Gitme sana muhtacım (don't go, I need you)
Gözümde nursun başımda tacım, muhtacım (you're the brightness of my eyes,(you're) the crown on my head, I'm destitute)
Beni öldür öyle git (kill me before you go)
Yaşamak için senin sevgine muhtacım (I need your love to be alive)

Muhtacım gözlerine (I need your eyes)
Muhtacım sözlerine (I need your words)
Uzattım ellerimi (I reach out my hands)
Muhtacım ellerine, gitme (I need your hands, don't go)

Şimdi bomboş ellerim (now, my hands are empty)
Seni çağırır yaşlı gözlerim (my teary eyes are calling you)
Muhtacım (I'm destitute)

Beni öldür öyle git (kill me before you go)
Yaşamak için senin sevgine muhtacım (I need your love to be alive)

Sensiz bir dünyadayım (I'm in a world without you)
Gerçekten uzak bir rüyadayım, muhtacım (in a dream far from reality, I'm destitute)
Beni sensiz dünyadan ((take me) from the world without you)
Sonsuz rüyadan uyandırda git, muhtacım (wake me up from the endless dream, I'm destitute)

Muhtacım gözlerine (I need your eyes)
Muhtacım sözlerine (I need your words)
Ruhumu ıstacak (need your warm breath)
Sımsıcak nefesine, gitme (which warms my soul, don't go)





Gitme sana muhtacım (don't go, I need you)
Gözümde nursun başımda tacım, muhtacım (you're the brightness of my eyes,(you're) the crown on my head, I'm destitute)
Beni öldür öyle git (kill me before you go)
Yaşamak için senin sevgine, muhtacım (I need your love to be alive)

Sooner there would be our time, inshaaAllaah. . .

berharap pada Allaah ta'ala

Bismillaahi,


Resah. . .

Bisakah aku menanti ketidakpastian ini. Apa lagi-lagi semua mimpi ini hanya angan yang berakhir dengan kekecewaan, dan berganti lagi dan lagi dengan cerita yang lain. Inilah kesalahan dari sebuah harapan dan mimpi, yang tak seharusnya menyertakan suatu nama. Hingga selalu berharap pada NYa, bahwa akan ada masa depan dalam cerita ini.

Ketidakpastian ini, hanya kepada Allaah aku berserah. Berdoa dan tetap berikhtiar, agar semua ini tidak terlalu melampaui batas. Demi kebaikan yang sama-sama dicitakan, untuk mendatangi janjiNya.

Jarak, waktu, usia, iman, impian-impian. . . menjadi bagian dari faktor-faktor perajut cerita ini. Ada kalanya ingin berhenti saja, dan bangun dari tidur yang terasa panjang. Mengakhiri mimpi yang terukir terlalu tinggi. . .
karena Jika jatuh, akan terasa jauh lebih sakit.


Yakinkanlah aku, bahwa kita memang bermimpi tinggi
Dan akan selalu berusaha untuk mewujudkannya
semoga dengan cara yang baik dan diridhoi NYa

Yakinkanlah aku, Rasa dan mimpi kita sama
Dan kita tidak akan menempatkannya diatas Cinta kita padaNya
semoga keimanan kita, menjadi jembatan mendatangi janjiNya.

Yakinkanlah aku, agar selalu bisa menantimu.
Dan jika memang nantinya tak berakhir bahagia
semoga kesabaran dan keikhlasan selalu ada disana.

Yakinkanlah aku, agar menjadi kuat melawan ketidakpastian
Dan hanya kepada Allah lah kita selalu berharap
Semoga janji Allaah lah penguat jalan kita


Karena aku mencintai Rabb ku, melebihi apapun dan siapapun di dunia ini. . .dan aku ingin kau pun begitu. . .
dan kita akan sama-sama meyakini. . .mimpi ini. . .bisa terwujud suau hari nanti, inshaaAllaah. .

Scared

Bismillaahi,
I wrote this at 2009. . . .


Allah. . .you know this so sure, that i wanna be nOrmaL like them. i never wanna be like this. what ive been doing now, is the way how i try to control my self not to be worse. . .
Allah. . .help me and pull me out of this place, the situation that stucked me so much. . .but its true. . .theres no one understand. . .no one. . .
they never know how i am for sure. . .
and i have nothing to explain. . .cz words never be good things to tell how my feelings. . ..n it makes me become worse on their eyes. . .
Allah. . .what are u trying to show me. . .iam a desperate girl. cz i dont understand at all. . .
and u would punish me of thinking this stupid thing. . .
why i have to be here if i dont have any strength. . .if i think i coulnd pass these all. . .
Allah. . .please forgive all the mistakes and sins ive done. . .just because i never won fighting the satan inside my self. . .
Allah. . .always guide me. . .whenever i am down. . .and raise me up when i cant take it on my own foots. . .
Allah. . .these tears. . .i never show to others, , ,just because i wanna shoe u. . .this is how my heart feels about life. . .that doesnt needs ones attentions. . .
Allah. . ..permit me. . .one day. . .to see ur face with these all weak steps and spirit. . .cause u know it so sure. . .that i really scared if i fall down in the deepest place when no one could help even their own selves. . .
God. . .Guide me. . . in this very crowdy roads that noone cares about me. . . .
i love u God. . .help me to stand up whenever i fall down. . .like now. . . ..amin.. .
ure always be the one. . .and now. . .i have to face this word with a big smile a worse cry inside, so i will always make u be in my heart. . .
love U love U. . . . .
star. . . .lil star. . .

Bismillaahi,

LAST BREATH. . . to remember

Cool girl doesn't cry

Bismillaahi,


Sometimes, I feel so sad. Many have the same deals I think. When we want or wish or dream something sooo much and got to see someone else own it, feels so bad in heart. Jealousy. Maybe. . .
Sometimes like cant stand to weap tears on cheeks,  and when trying hard to hold it. .  .feels like a giant meatball in throat. . .stuck in there for a sometime. .

I get down on my knees n pray to Allaah. . .wish He would give me the chance to get also. . .
No. . .i never blame my Rabb, cause I know Allaah knows the best for His people.

And someone said. . . “Be a cool girl.” Simple words that always give me a support. No matter how hard, no matter how sad, no matter how you wanna cry, just don’t let them win over you. Don’t let them make you cry, don’t let your jealousy make you think negatively, don’t make those petty things. . . give you a hundred reasons to cry !! You are strong, you are happy, and you will get what you really want.  .someday, inshaaAllaah. . . .then make those hopes give you a million reasons to smile . .:). . .
And yes I am. .  .I AM A COOL GIRL and world wont make me cry.

About a Dad. . .My Super Dad

Bismillaahi,

*Waktu bergulir dan nggak pernah noleh ke belakang. Semua orang tau itu, dan mereka nggak bisa selamanya merasa kuat buat bisa ngalahin waktu, bahkan untuk ngebuat dia berhenti sejenak. Apa yang ada sekarang ini, yang sedang kita lalui saat ini, masa-masa yang kita jalani sekarang, adalah bagian dari kemenangan waktu yang menunjukkan kita hanyalah bagian dari makhluk hidup yang lemah dan sebenarnya, ga punya kekuatan sama sekali buat membuat semuanya tetap sama. Seperti pertama terlahir, seperti pertama kali berjalan, dan seperti pertama kali aku mengingatnya, kita nggak bisa menjamin semua itu tetap sama. Bukan tentang keyakinan, hanya tentang fisik dan kekuatan untuk bertahan berjalan bersama waktu. Yet, everything is precious to remember. . . .

*Dulu aku ngelihat dia sebagai sosok yang kuat dan jarang mengeluh. Mencoba jadi SUPER Dad buat anak dan keluarga. Mencari sesuap nasi yang nggak ngenal waktu. Kata ibuk, pada masa awal pernikahan dulu bapak sering ninggalin rumah berminggu-minggu karena urusan kerja. Aku juga dulu sering ngrasain waktu-waktu dimana bapak kadang harus pergi dari rumah dalam waktu yang nggak sebentar.

*Waktu itu aku masih SD, mungkin kelas 2, karena adikku yang pertama masih TK, dan si bontot juga masih 2 atau 3 tahun, bapak harus tugas ke Semarang. Adikku yang TK waktu itu maen ke rumah mbahti (mbah putri/nenek), dan nggak disangka musibah itu terjadi. Mobil kijang yang sedang melaju tiba-tiba nabrak adikku yang waktu itu mau nyebrang jalan besar depan warung makan punya mbahti. Namanya anak-anak, lepas dari pengawasan bentar, nyebrang jalan besar sambil lari tanpa lihat kanan kiri. Langsung aja dia masuk UGD, bahkan kata ibuk, dia sempet nggak sadar beberapa hari. Orang tua mana yang nggak khawatir buah hatinya yang masih kecil ketabrak mobil pe masuk rumah sakit.

*Cerita ibuk, bapak yang masih di semarang harus bolak balik pulang ke solo. Saat itu aku inget, sore hari bapak sampai solo, pagi buta brangkat lagi ke Semarang. Dia menjalani itu setiap hari sampai adikku keluar dari rumah sakit. Masih cerita ibuk, bapak sampai nangis-nangis di depan kepala kantornya di Semarang biar bisa dapet dispenasasi waktu buat bolak balik solo-semarang setiap hari. Itu bapakku, yang mencoba selalu ada buat anaknya.

*Aku masih inget dulu bapak sering banget nidurin kita dengan dongeng. Ceritanya kalau aku inget-inget sekarang bener-bener ga masuk akal and bikin ketawa, tapi namanya anak kecil didongengin gitu, imajinasi kemana-mana tetep aja manggut-manggut. Paling sering sih bapak nyeritain soal Mbok Rondo yang jahat banget sama Pak Rondo. Ceritanya cuman itu, tapi versinya bisa melanglang buana kemana-mana. Hmmm. . .kangen juga didongengin sama bapak. Tapi kayaknya nggak mungkin, karena dulu biasanya sambil digendongin gitu, gantian sama adikku yang pertama (si bontot belum lahir).

*Cerita ibuk, dulu pas pertama kali aku mulai sekolah, ibuk milih TK yang deket rumah, katanya kuatir kalo ada yang nyulik anaknya kalo masuk TK, bapak excited banget ngebeliin aku peralatan tulis, bahkan terlalu bagus dan lengkap buat anak TK. Kata ibuk, bapak seneng banget anaknya yang pertama udah mulai sekolah. Waktu itu, TK belum fullday, jadi bias anya sepulang dari TK ibuk nganterin aku dan adikku ke penitipan anak di depan kantor  bapak. Aku masih inget dulu kita sering banget manjat-manjat pagar berharap bapak keluar dari kantor. Tapi nggak berlangsung lama, ibuk nggak tega masukin kita ke penitipan anak gara-gara kita selalu nungguin bapak . . . . .

Thousands words i want to tell you about my Super Dad won't ever be end. . .  .cause everyday. . we make precious new stories. . . .love u dad. . .

being a mom

Bismillaahi,


It’s such a kind of thing that actually I wanna tell from a mom’s side, but yeah. . .i haven’t been a mother yet. But I really prise that responsibility, sincerely.

I really mean it, when saying being a mom is a best responsibility as a woman. It’s not easy, and every step on it is not a try. . .but a fight. I wish that someday I would be given that responsibility. Really pray to Allaah. . .

U might feel tired, u might feel so bored someday, or got too upset just like nobody stand by you to give hand. That’s just because u forget bout the meaning of being parents, mom of your sons and daughters, also a wife for a husband. When u see smile on your kids faces, u will know. This is something that is worthy to fight for. .





graphics & comments | Mom Graphics | virtual pets



Some people underdog this kind of task, cause many think it’s only part or traditionality that a modern woman shouldn't care anymore. . .hmmmm. . . .


Glitter Graphics

It was Inspiredly Written after watching “Motherhood” and “Oh My Lady” <3 (Sept, 14th 2011)
these movies told me about how brave a mom could be, even when they're feeling so tired with their responsibilities they just needed to look at their kids eyes n got the spirit again, also how much love that they could give without asking any demand. . .


Glitter Graphics

template

Bismillaahi,

Lihat-lihat blog lain templatenya bagus-bagus, jadi mupeng. . gonta ganti terus,, lol

Bismillaah,

hmm. . .
I dont know what im going to write about. Dont have any sense yet. .crap! But i'll try. . . .mmm. .Maybe i will start with the days ive passed these lately. Here i go. . .
Sometimes, when i see many simple things, i feel such a mess. Wanna cry n wanna smile at one time. Yesterday, when i went to a public health clinic near my house, i saw some touchy views. i saw some old men, theyre about 65-75 maybe. One of them, is an old 75s granpa. When the nurse asked him what he was feeling, he noted. ."my stomach is aching" Then the nurse said, "Do u still get a work?". He replied "Of course, if not, where i would get my money from, then??" It was heard so painful to my ears n drop into my heart so bad. He was just too old to think about living cost, eating fee, etc. Where r his fams?? his children?? He even could not walk well, he needed a stick to hold his old body. I feel so bad about him. . .
i imagined if He were my own parents, if they were as old as him, that must be a very hurting story. . .i wouldnt ever let them hang on their own feets. . inshaaAllaah.
Then i saw some other old men. He just sat on a bench, he smiled softly. I imagined how he looked like when he was a young man. He looked so peaceful..He was smiling to a lil boy running around near him. .

Seemed like i wanna hug all those old men, old people. Wanna make smile on their faces. Wanna make them enjoy their old lives happily. . .no nid to worry about care, love, and all the living cost . . . .they absolutely should not worry about.
i we you. . we will be old like them too one day, so dont treat them like theire ppl who we didnt need anymore. . .they r human, as we r. . .


love,
mh_