You Gave Up on Us

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YdZR5Z5LUpQ&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Weird

Bismillaah,

Isn't it weird knowin that all the good ones near us are taken already?
I feel like so pathetic. What I can do is only keep calm and act like I am fine with the things.

There always be one left for every one too...rite? At least that's what I believe this far.

not my home

Bismillaah,

And finally, I turned it off.

For me, a home, is a place where i feel comfortable. It is not always in physical form like the real house building. It can be anything as far as i feel i belong to it. Friendship, Love, Society are also things i am used to calling as "home". When i feel my home is no longer a place where i feel comfortable, i will tend to pull my self away. And many people do the same too, right? Or maybe only me, since i am a "run away" girl. lol.

That was also the reason i deactivated my social media account. I dont feel comfortable anymore there. It has hurt my eyes. Not literally hurting my eyes, but it has made me sick..here..in the heart. I feel so bad since i  got this sickness. I dont wanna be like this. I dont wanna make them to be the reason of this pain. I am only a human with a weak heart, what can i do? i feel the jealousy, what can i do?

I am 25 with nothing to be proud of, isnt it something that can be an excuse that i feel so much pain when watching those achievements? I am happy for them...really i am happy sincerely...but deep in this heart, there lies a wound without a scratch. A wound which i made cause i could not do what i should do as a normal human. A human who lives in society, in this world. I am sad. And nobody would (i dont need them to do too) care about it. Astaghfirullaah.

It was just so much crowd out there and i really hate to be around. 

I am tired to ensure my self everything is just going to be fine. There would be my turn. And i am growing to be more pessimistic person rather than the optimistic one. My life. It feels like stops here.....

What i need most is a help.

Help me.

mrs J

Bismillaahi,

Is it a jealousy? But A jealousy for a good thing is normal and even a must...right?
Then call me a jealous girl and let me ask forgiveness from my Allah ta'ala for feeling this.
I pity my self, my weaknesses.

My Wedding Invitation wannabe

Bismillaahi,

What do you think of it? I was just thinking about making my own edited wedding invitation. Which i dont know when will be happened. lol. I wish to have the simple one yet not like the common one. More exclusive or maybe not using the common color like what we are used to finding. But yeah..i am a beginner, so..its not surely like what i wanna have.

This is the front part. I am thinking about eliminating the flowers next to the addressee.

Here is the inside part. I dont know what to write..lol..but the background should be like this. Maybe too simple or confusing?? hmm...i dont know too. -P

And the last is the back part. I tried to make it still in the same pattern with the previous parts.

Maybe i just have to go to a wedding organizer and ask them to do it..hhaa...it looks like i mess them up -P. The more i look at them..the more it feels like a birthday party invitation rather than wedding party invitation. Or like a card sent to say "Get Well Soon"..hhaaa -D

But if i can say about what i really want about my future wedding invitation is that it must stay on simple form. Not so big and not too small too.. just the regular size which looks at the functional side more than the luxury factor. You know...wedding invitation will only end up in the trash..hhaa..so i just dont wanna waste money on it. Since the wedding is not only about me and maybe my friends..but also for my parents friends..so it has to keep its formality too. Something which is not so "cheap" since i wanna keep it in simple form, but something "Simple yet priceless"

Does it look a lil bit creepy that i make something that hasnt yet happened?? or maybe idk when will be happened?? T,T But really the idea was just came up in second and i directly worked on the card. I was really only editing it since the colors and the ornaments were taken from google..lol..

Btw,,that pink thing..that was my fashdisk..i was trying to cover up the dates and the groom family..hhaa..i put it in random, just dont wanna make ppl think much about it.

Ok then...see ya. -))

Not My Playground

Bismillaahi,

There might be only one mad guy and i have passed him by. I left him and closed his story. A kind of person who would never find me anymore, or i would not. I really don't know since it is part of the future, the mysterious one . Those people, nobody who came to me first or found me in this very busy life. I found them and let them entered my life. Until one by one had gone by.

There were two boys who ever asked me to go out which other people thought as part of dates. But they were wrong. The first boy picked me up and he brought me with his motorbike. My parents had a wrong perception at that time. They thought it was a date, since there were rarely never a boy came to home and took me out. But, that boy, whom i ever gave my heart to when in hs, only asked me to accompany him to find a gift for his girlfriend. He said, only girl knew what another girl really wanted. -)). I was just saying yes, cause there wasn't any reason to say a no even if i wanted to.

The second one, it was a different boy, he picked me up and my friend saw this. She thought we were goin to have a date since it was a sat nite. But the truth, he was having a problem with his gf, which was my close friend. Did i have to say a no? I couldnt, although it was making wrong opinion to others.

But it was a disappointment for them when found out what they were thinking was not right.

Ahh..but i got used to be someone like this. A person whom never been loved for who i am. There was only one guy and i left him cause i was too young to understand the meaning of lonesome. The meaning of parents wish. The meaning of future. I ever said to my self that i would never regret it. I was doing the right thing cause i believe it was what He asked me to do.

But now...i feel like regret it and i must ensure my self, nothings worth to be regretted.

Since the experiences i had in my past were not the good one. I tried to through the right way.

And it was still the same, so many rejections, like i were nobody worth to be loved. They hurt my dignity and now I have lost all of my confidence.

I cant see or guess the life in front of me, it is like it stops here.

That is why i was wondering why do they are people in this world who still feel like i am something that can harm their love life. I have nothing to offer. Even to start one, is now becomes like a nitemare that haunts me everytime i close my eyes.

I wish my life were a movie, like that movie. A girl is who used to closing her self from the outside world. Feeling happy to be in her room and not comfort when people are around. But still some men saw and notice her existence and gave her their hearts.

But it is a real life, right?

and this real life is not my playground. . .

Where it all comes from

Bismillaahi,

My Own Sky.

I got this name when in a morning after a hard rain the night before, i went out to the yard. I looked up to the sky and was feeling so amazed with the view i got.

It was a bunch of clouds. The white one. Looked like a field of lambs running around peacefully. With the very bright blue sky behind it, and the cool wind blew nicely. I then started to believe that those people said the right.

To a get a beautiful rainbow, we must feel a little rain. To erase the dark, we just have to through the night till the dawn comes. To get a beautiful blue sky with the white clouds, we just have to let the heavy rain at the night before go. And because of that. I wanna have my own sky. No matter how hard things i get in my life, i always believe that it is just part of the road to the real happiness. No matter what i think or want, i just have to shout it out loud and i wont be worry about anything. How i feel, what i think...everything will be just fine. Cause here...it is my own sky. -)))

Oh btw... vadove ti porta il cuore..it means, go wherever your heart brings. -))) I think i dont have to explain it. -))