Scared

Bismillaahi,
I wrote this at 2009. . . .


Allah. . .you know this so sure, that i wanna be nOrmaL like them. i never wanna be like this. what ive been doing now, is the way how i try to control my self not to be worse. . .
Allah. . .help me and pull me out of this place, the situation that stucked me so much. . .but its true. . .theres no one understand. . .no one. . .
they never know how i am for sure. . .
and i have nothing to explain. . .cz words never be good things to tell how my feelings. . ..n it makes me become worse on their eyes. . .
Allah. . .what are u trying to show me. . .iam a desperate girl. cz i dont understand at all. . .
and u would punish me of thinking this stupid thing. . .
why i have to be here if i dont have any strength. . .if i think i coulnd pass these all. . .
Allah. . .please forgive all the mistakes and sins ive done. . .just because i never won fighting the satan inside my self. . .
Allah. . .always guide me. . .whenever i am down. . .and raise me up when i cant take it on my own foots. . .
Allah. . .these tears. . .i never show to others, , ,just because i wanna shoe u. . .this is how my heart feels about life. . .that doesnt needs ones attentions. . .
Allah. . ..permit me. . .one day. . .to see ur face with these all weak steps and spirit. . .cause u know it so sure. . .that i really scared if i fall down in the deepest place when no one could help even their own selves. . .
God. . .Guide me. . . in this very crowdy roads that noone cares about me. . . .
i love u God. . .help me to stand up whenever i fall down. . .like now. . . ..amin.. .
ure always be the one. . .and now. . .i have to face this word with a big smile a worse cry inside, so i will always make u be in my heart. . .
love U love U. . . . .
star. . . .lil star. . .