desperado

Bismillaahi,

Some weeks ago, I cried hard. It was not because of someone else, but it was because of my self. I got a rejection somewhere, and the reason was due to my physical look. This event had successfully made my head turned back to those times. When I firstly realized, how I was different, how this look. . . .was nothing. Remembering what I had done to make people around me accept me as I was. My decision which wasn’t me for real. I let my self to be a joke. I let things I had to cover my minuses. But still, my sickness to get an acknowledgement was a great weapon to beat me down. When I did good things to them, they really did used it for their own benefit. And at end, I would still be the dumbest person.

One day in senior high, I asked someone to read my hand’s lines. We believed him could read our self and future. He just frankly said. . .”love your self, don’t too underestimate your own self”. Crap . . .He did knew my feeling !

Then I just thought back, how I could love my own self if it was only me who thought so and nobody elses did not. That’s why I became so negative thinking to my own self, I couldn’t trust my own ability.