Bismillaahi,

Knitting my daydream in here
Stepping on thousands of memories heaven
Finding your shadow there waiting for me

Is my heart still for you?
A century seconds have passed
Never wished anymore your presence back to me

As peace as ocean calming the wave
Why do you have to come again?
A shape of emotion unites two hearts
Appearing the long time promise
Can I deny forever?

Like an ocean is my restless
I block all the coming sounds
Giving meaning to your sincerely disguised eyes

How to act
Being a masked prince from your fairy world again

As peace as ocean calming the wave
Why do you have to come again?
A shape of emotion unites two hearts
Appearing the long time promise
Can I deny forever?

The Heart Learning

Bismillaah,

The event this day has reminded me to a story back in 2006...yes 8 years ago. That night..under the starry sky. I held up my head. Behind your back. Wishing for an unending night. Cause I knew..that time would be our last nite. A moment that I wouldn't have anymore if the dawn came up. And I would never forget too...the time when I had finally realised, this kind of story would never be on my side.

It was like a blue night for me...my unrequited love. Someone who never looked at me as a prescious story. The time when I said to my self to not easily give my heart to any man I saw.

Like today. Under the blue sky and a long long road. Behind your back. Hoping for a slow time rolling. A longer n never ending time. I felt like the moment 8 years ago came suddenly before my eyes...n successfully stole away my smiling face. Before this time, I kept reminding my self...my heart for sure...to stop, to prevent...to just being an ice mount. But I am failed. It flows like a flood. I try n try n try to make a big gate. A thick wall. But all seems to be useless. I can't stop it. I can't help falling in heart.

I cried silently. I...who watch you from a far place and from a silence...felt so hurted. Why I keep being like this many times. Why my heart never learned. Why this heart is such a stubborn head. Why?
Why I keep doing this even if I know that the end is already clear. It will always be me who be hurt.

But then I learn. This is how life touches me. This is something that I already have given up. Its a useless effort since I will always feel the same thing to different ppl with same ending again and again.

Now I've learned.

I can't always stop or prevent things like this to not be happened. I just have to receive it. I learn to live this kind of feeling. To be hurt. Cause I am a human who love to love.

In fact...it won't be long and another person will always come to replace every persons place who come to me.

This is life. There are things that can't always be fought for. And we sometimes...just have to give it up...cause it just has to...

You Gave Up on Us

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YdZR5Z5LUpQ&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Weird

Bismillaah,

Isn't it weird knowin that all the good ones near us are taken already?
I feel like so pathetic. What I can do is only keep calm and act like I am fine with the things.

There always be one left for every one too...rite? At least that's what I believe this far.

not my home

Bismillaah,

And finally, I turned it off.

For me, a home, is a place where i feel comfortable. It is not always in physical form like the real house building. It can be anything as far as i feel i belong to it. Friendship, Love, Society are also things i am used to calling as "home". When i feel my home is no longer a place where i feel comfortable, i will tend to pull my self away. And many people do the same too, right? Or maybe only me, since i am a "run away" girl. lol.

That was also the reason i deactivated my social media account. I dont feel comfortable anymore there. It has hurt my eyes. Not literally hurting my eyes, but it has made me sick..here..in the heart. I feel so bad since i  got this sickness. I dont wanna be like this. I dont wanna make them to be the reason of this pain. I am only a human with a weak heart, what can i do? i feel the jealousy, what can i do?

I am 25 with nothing to be proud of, isnt it something that can be an excuse that i feel so much pain when watching those achievements? I am happy for them...really i am happy sincerely...but deep in this heart, there lies a wound without a scratch. A wound which i made cause i could not do what i should do as a normal human. A human who lives in society, in this world. I am sad. And nobody would (i dont need them to do too) care about it. Astaghfirullaah.

It was just so much crowd out there and i really hate to be around. 

I am tired to ensure my self everything is just going to be fine. There would be my turn. And i am growing to be more pessimistic person rather than the optimistic one. My life. It feels like stops here.....

What i need most is a help.

Help me.

mrs J

Bismillaahi,

Is it a jealousy? But A jealousy for a good thing is normal and even a must...right?
Then call me a jealous girl and let me ask forgiveness from my Allah ta'ala for feeling this.
I pity my self, my weaknesses.

My Wedding Invitation wannabe

Bismillaahi,

What do you think of it? I was just thinking about making my own edited wedding invitation. Which i dont know when will be happened. lol. I wish to have the simple one yet not like the common one. More exclusive or maybe not using the common color like what we are used to finding. But yeah..i am a beginner, so..its not surely like what i wanna have.

This is the front part. I am thinking about eliminating the flowers next to the addressee.

Here is the inside part. I dont know what to write..lol..but the background should be like this. Maybe too simple or confusing?? hmm...i dont know too. -P

And the last is the back part. I tried to make it still in the same pattern with the previous parts.

Maybe i just have to go to a wedding organizer and ask them to do it..hhaa...it looks like i mess them up -P. The more i look at them..the more it feels like a birthday party invitation rather than wedding party invitation. Or like a card sent to say "Get Well Soon"..hhaaa -D

But if i can say about what i really want about my future wedding invitation is that it must stay on simple form. Not so big and not too small too.. just the regular size which looks at the functional side more than the luxury factor. You know...wedding invitation will only end up in the trash..hhaa..so i just dont wanna waste money on it. Since the wedding is not only about me and maybe my friends..but also for my parents friends..so it has to keep its formality too. Something which is not so "cheap" since i wanna keep it in simple form, but something "Simple yet priceless"

Does it look a lil bit creepy that i make something that hasnt yet happened?? or maybe idk when will be happened?? T,T But really the idea was just came up in second and i directly worked on the card. I was really only editing it since the colors and the ornaments were taken from google..lol..

Btw,,that pink thing..that was my fashdisk..i was trying to cover up the dates and the groom family..hhaa..i put it in random, just dont wanna make ppl think much about it.

Ok then...see ya. -))