blue sunday

Bismillaahi,

If i say i am not sad, then it becomes a big lie. But i am trying to cheer up my self. I wanna be positive. But when watching him, my dad, i feel sad, even more than the lost of our birds itself. He is so disappointed, but still trying to be calm.Yes, because we are unfaithful. I dont know what were those burglars thinking before breaking down my house. But i wish Allaah show them the right way. . aamiin

Do you still remember that i said "life gives back everything you give to it." And when we lost our birds, i see my own self. Allah will never do things to us if we didnt do something first. And now i am thinking, what was my fault ? I always pray to Allaah, that every lil bad thing i do, its enough to give that back to me, not to my family. But Allaah gave it to my family too. . .and its nothing but a message behind these all. And i dont know what. Maybe i am just too bad, so my family have to get the effect also.

I really dont know what to do now. Nobody wants to be a bad person, but bad things i do were like happened out of my control. What i want is not like what i do. What i wish to be good mostly ends tobe bad, even worse. And i feel like cant control those bad things. It feels like the hell sprays its lil dots to me, and it feels too hurt.

Rabb, allow me make them happy, in a good way. . .